In Between
by thebloodrose
Summary: Set after Prince Charmed. Chris is sorry, but it's irrelevant. No matter how many apologies he says, no matter how guilty he feels the COs will never understand his actions. Fight or flight? He's caught in between. Songfic Linkin Park-In Between Oneshot


**Title:** In Between

**Summary:** He's lost their trust. And now Chris is caught between his desire to set things right and the frustration of the Charmed Ones never understanding his pain, his sacrifices. What will he decide? Fight or Flight? Slight Songfic? Based on Linkin Park's 'In Between'.

**Rating:** T to be safe

**TIMELINE:** Set after the end of Prince Charmed. AU

A/N: I'm on a Chris kick huh? This is a songfic I guess, based on the Linkin Park song In Between. For some reason I reckon that a lot of Linkin Park's songs seem to explain the relationship between Chris and well everyone during the course of season 6. That and I believe that this is what Chris would sound like were he to sing. :D **UN-BETAED **Please read and review!

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In Between

Christopher slumped in the desk chair, spinning it slightly with his feet and allowing his hands to rest limply upon the desk before him. He clutched a biro within his right hand and it absently moved to and fro across the page while Chris stared blankly at the papers before him. Spells upon potions upon maps lay mixed together across the wood and the odd star chart hung on the walls. He was running out of time. His conception date was drawing close and no amount of magic was aiding his cause.

Seers, soothsayers, witches, demons, warlocks – even the Book of Shadows, no matter the creature or the object none had managed to even so much as **nudge **him in the right direction. Sighing he dropped the pen onto the table and leaned back in chair, rubbing his hands over his face in exhaustion.

The door was ripped open and Chris started out of the chair, stumbling forward slightly before raising his gaze to the figure that now stood in the doorway. He swallowed.

"P-Piper. What are you doing here?" He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his worn jeans.

Piper moved into the room, hands leaving the door and she clasped them together before her. "I work here Chris." Her eyes came to rest upon his and Chris shuddered slightly under their intensity. "You on the other hand…" she trailed off, glancing behind Chris at the various papers.

The young witchlighter followed her gaze to the desk. "Yeah. I'm just," Chris cleared his throat and gestured to the many papers spilled across the furniture. "Researching." He averted his eyes to the ground and an uncomfortable silenced filled the room.

_Let me apologise to begin with__  
__Let me apologise for what I'm about to say__  
__But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed__  
__And somehow I got caught up in between_

Chris began to fidget, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He glanced nervously around the room, his mind scrambling for something to break the suffocating silence."So I take it Leo's bailed again."

Piper's head snapped up and Chris winced, an expression of regret immediately making itself known upon his face.

"What?" Piper hissed, her eyes flashing dangerously in anger.

Chris stretched his hands out in front of him in defence. "I didn't mean it like that." He defended, stepping back and stumbling slightly over the chair situated behind him.

Lies. He couldn't help but feel resentment towards his future father, and even thinking genuine thoughts about him required effort. Grabbing onto the chair with one hand, the other still stretched out Chris attempted, and failed to stumble through an apology. Piper started towards him, hands outstretched and quivering in rage.

_Let me apologise to begin with__  
__Let me apologise for what I'm about to say__  
__But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed__  
__And somehow I got caught up in between__  
_

"Leo is out there protecting my child, which is more than I can say for you." Her tone was cold and Chris struggled to keep his eyes level with hers, the overwhelming urge to flee growing within his stomach. "And most importantly Leo is family and you're not." Her voice was clipped and held certain finality to it, so much so that Chris numbly nodded ignoring the stabbing pain shooting through his heart. He averted his gaze to the ground and waited; flinching when the door slammed - signally Piper's exit.

He hadn't expected this - that being anonymous would be this difficult. That trying to be someone else would cause his own family to hate the sight of him, to be disgusted with him. Chris had chosen to remain a stranger, to avoid any emotional attachments in order to complete his mission, but now Chris found himself regretting that decision. He was caught within the 'in between'.

_Between my pride and my promise__  
__Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way__  
__And things I want to say to you get lost before they come__  
__The only thing that's worse than one is none__  
_

He was finding it more and more exhausting to keep with his lies, while attempting to keep the truth hidden from everyone around him. It didn't help Leo continued to push him, further and further towards the proverbial edge. He knew he was stubborn – blame it on the Halliwell gene, which made it virtually impossible for him to bite his tongue and not return with a snarky comment.

Anything Chris yearned to tell the sisters, especially his mother was always lost within the hate and mistrust that was amplified by Leo's animosity. No matter what he tried, Chris seemed to be permanently branded the distrustful and manipulative not to mention neurotic whitelighter. The cold, unfeeling whitelighter.

_Let me apologise to begin with__  
__Let me apologise for what I'm about to say__  
__But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed__  
__And somehow I got caught up in between__  
_

_Between my pride and my promise__  
__Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way__  
__The things I want to say to you get lost before they come__  
__The only thing that's worse than one is none__  
__The only thing that's worse than one is none_

He sighed and turned the chair around to face him, collapsing into its depths and his left shoe rested upon his right knee. Chris let his left hand fall limply over the side of the chair, while he rested his right elbow of the arm of the chair and supported his head up with the palm of his hand. His quick mouth didn't seem to serve him as well as it did in the future. Here in the past, it only served to break the fragile trust between him and the sisters and to enforce Leo's negative ideal of him.

And that trust, once broken seemed almost impossible to regain especially considering that he couldn't tell them anything about the future; they wouldn't believe him anyway.

Chris began to spin the chair with his right foot, turning slowly around and he stared into space as the walls passed by in a blur. He was stuck. He couldn't regain their trust without proving himself, which they wouldn't let him do and there was no way he was giving up future information for a second chance.

It could make things worst and Chris didn't dare take that possibility. But the truth was that he needed the Charmed Ones. He needed them to trust him enough to allow him back into the manor, he needed the Book and to be near Wyatt, to save him. He couldn't do this without them.

_And I cannot explain to you__  
__Anything I say or do or plan__  
__Fear is not afraid of you__  
__Guilt's a language you can understand_

_I cannot explain to you__  
__Anything I say or do__  
__I hope the actions speak the words they can__  
_

But they never understand, they could never understand the motive behind his actions, behind his numerous demon hunts or the reason behind his 'favourite mantra' as Paige called it – future consequences. They just didn't understand. The pain, the loss, the torture – the experience from growing up in a world where evil triumphed and good suffered.

And Chris highly doubted that he could explain it to the witches, to them he didn't even know the meaning of the trust, or the meaning of emotions. He did feel. He was human.

The truth?

Chris was terrified. In the future, emotions were a weakness. They limited your powers and clouded your vision. To survive, one suppressed them. It was simple – black and white. Unfortunately the past wasn't so clear cut; shades of gray littered his life here. So Chris remained blank, emotionless; his quick wit and sarcasm hiding any guilt, fear and sadness that lurked within his soul.

The young whitelighter pushed the chair to the desk, his hand enclosing around the biro again and he continued to draw on the page in front of him. He wanted to tell them, deep down he yearned for human interaction and Chris knew that it would probably do wonders if they could see the how guilty he felt, that he did feel after all.

Looking down at the mess on the table, Chris set the pen to side and reached out and grabbed the nearest spell: How to Vanquish a Phase Demon. He set it back down, reached out again: A Map to the Underworld. Again and again, the whitelighter filtered through the various pieces of paper littering the table.

An exhausted sigh escaped the brunette's lips and he let last piece of paper slip through his fingers. He had to prove to them. Prove to them that everything he did was to protect Wyatt, to help save him. Chris just hoped his actions spoke the words that he seemed incapable of forming.

_For my pride and my promise__  
__For my lies and how the truth gets in the way__  
__The things I want to say to you get lost before they come__  
__The only thing that's worse than one is none__  
__The only thing that's worse than one is none__  
__The only thing that's worse than one is none__  
_

Chris leaned back in the chair, rubbing his eyes. He could already feel dark bags forming from lack of sleep. He looked over at clock, its digital number blaring angrily at him. Three am. The club would be closed, silent and Chris could attempt some sleep. He stood up; groaning when he felt his knees cracked and looked down at the page he had been sketching upon. The charmed triquetra perfectly drawn from years of practice glared back at him.

Chris slowly pulled the left hand side of his shirt up, revealing a birthmark on his hip - a miniature version of the image that stood before him. A ghost of a smile graced his lips. He was still a Halliwell – he could do this. A crash sounded outside the door and Chris dropped the shirt back down. A second crash and screaming spurred the whitelighter into action and he orbed, his tinkling blue dots reforming outside next to the bar.

A flurry of long, brunette hair and body clad in black flew past him, collapsing on the ground and Chris felt a pang go through him. He hastily glanced around the room and anger began to boil with his veins; two Scather demons had begun to advance upon Piper. Alternating his gaze between Piper and her attackers and enraged yell left his throat.

"Leave her alone!" He whipped his arm to the left, watching in satisfaction when the two demons collided painfully with the club wall. The demons staggered to their feet and their eyes set upon Piper, who lay immobile on the floor, blood oozing from a cut on her head. She glanced up at the demons half-dazed. Flicking her hands, the Scather demon closest to her screamed and exploded, ash floating slowly to the floor while his partner growled in frustration.

Christopher peered over the counter and fluidly swung his arm out, akin to throwing a Frisbee across the room. Three knives zipped through the air and embedded themselves within the demon's flesh, causing flames to leap out and consume the creature. Watching in morbid fascination, it took a few seconds for Chris to break from his reverie and he rushed over to Piper.

Gingerly he helped the struggling witch up, his hand clasping softly around her arm. "Mu-Piper, are you okay?" Chris mentally berated himself for his brief slip up. Piper felt confusion cloud her face momentarily before it disappeared and she leaned against the bar with help from the young whitelighter.

Chris felt a pang of guilt rush through him and his slowly reached his hand up, gently brushing away the brunette hair from around Piper's cut. "Sorry I can't heal." Chris swallowed thickly before looking away and letting his hand drop. That had been his downfall in the future, and he really didn't need those emotions pounding against his mental barriers at this moment.

The Charmed One looked at the despondent whitelighter before her and she felt an unknown feeling flood her body, something that could almost be described as maternal. Shaking her head she felt a sharp pain enter her forehead and she creased it as she gently pushed the brunette away. "It's ok Chris."

The whitelighter nodded and slipped his hands into his jean pockets rocking warily on his heels. An awkward silence followed and Chris looked around the room, anxious to avoid Piper's gaze.

"I should –" he trailed off, motioning at the office, turning on his heel and walking towards the door at the edge of the room. Piper looked at the retreating back of the neurotic whitelighter.

"Hey Chris." Piper watched as the whitelighter froze, his body unmoving and he waited for Piper to continue. "Thank you." Chris turned around to face the witch and a small smile forced itself onto his face.

"You're welcome." Before any of his emotions managed to break through his barriers, Chris continued onto the office, a slight spring in his step.

Stepping into the room, he closed the door before leaning his back against and allowing his head to fall back and lightly impact the wood. Maybe they didn't understand. Maybe they didn't trust him. But the only thing worse than one is none, and mending the broken bridge between one of The Charmed Ones, especially Piper was better than being on the outs with the entire family. And it was all Chris needed, at least for the moment.

_finis?_


End file.
